Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.

So I am writing to say goodbye. but not forever. I know our paths will meet again. Maybe someday Ill be more mature and better prepared for whatever comes my way, but I cannot handle the pain you have unknowingly caused me these past months.

Don't get me wrong. You have made me very happy just by sharing yourself and your life with me. The memories will stay in my heart forever. From the time we first started going out until now, you have unfailingly shown me how it is to be really cared for and cherished. At the same time you have managed to keep my feet on the ground, always reminding me that my life is my own and no one else’s. I thank you for that. You taught me how fully comprehend what real love is like without even telling me you loved me. Just by showing me in your own way, you made me see how two incompatible persons can actually become real friends and true lovers.

You have kept my feet on the ground and yet showed me how beautiful the stars and skies are.

Whenever I needed your comport and strength, your level-headedness and rationality, you were always there for me. Our relationship has gone through a lot of things ranging from the serious to the stupid. 

No one is to blame. Not you, nor me, nor whoever else is sharing you with me…maybe Im just a victim of circumstance like you. And since the circumstances surrounding our relationship have changed, I don't know any more if I can handle things the same way I've handled them before. Your presence and your help will not matter. Seeing you and being with you when we spend time together gives me a certain kind of happiness only you can give. But every time you leave me, my heart breaks. I am hurting and I have to heal my wounds alone. I cant do this with you in my life.


I will miss you. I will miss you very, very, very much..

I am becoming more critical of you and the things that you do and do not do. I expect you to make up for everything that has happened but i know that is impossible now. I even harbor the hope that you will want me back, something which I know will never happen.

You will forever be a part of my life, thank you for making me a part of yours. I will always remember you with a smile and with wistfulness for being the one responsible for throwing it all away… but I have to go now. I am afraid that if I stay, something will be destroyed; either be part of you, a part of me, our friendship or the relationship itself. I don't really know. At least by leaving now, I am sure that everything remains intact, the relationship beautiful untouched unmarred by jealousy and hatred we both don't deserve a relationship that would always be fraught with questions and conditions.

Thank you for really deciding who you need to be and saying so. You told me the truth even when it was brutally hard; but it was the truth. And my heart knew it. And for telling me the truth, I found compassion and forgiveness. 

We are both on separate journeys; yet, you will always be within me: I owe part of the woman I am now to you. Without you, I would not have had these experiences. I am stronger, clearer, braver. 

You gave me much. Even the tough, the feeling of brokenness (which has healed), for the parts you fell short and I fell short: I'm thankful. 

Now, I know what I need.

What I want.

What I'll accept.

What I deserve.

I know how to be better. Different.

You've given me the opportunity to learn to forgive, to practice love unconditionally, for understanding love alone does not make a marriage and nor does a piece of paper. 

Sometimes love means letting go to allow room for a new growth, a new life, to take root. 

No regrets. 

I wish for you what it is you wish for... with my whole heart and much love.

Rindu.

Disaat kamu ingin melepaskan seseorang..ingatlah pada saat kamu ingin mendapatkannya

Disaat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya…ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta padanya
Disaat kamu mulai bosan dengannya…ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya
Disaat kamu ingin menduakannya…bayangkan jika dia selalu setia
Saat kamu ingin membohonginya…ingatlah disaat dia jujur padamu
Maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untukmu
Jangan sampai disaat dia sudah tidak disisimu,
Kamu baru menyadari semua arti dirinya untukmu
Yang indah hanya sementara
Yang abadi adalah kenangan
Yang ikhlas hanya dari hati
Yang tulus hanya dari sanubari
Tidak mudah mencari yang hilang
Tidak mudah mengejar impian
Namun yg lebih susah mempertahankan yang ada
Karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga
Ingatlah pada pepatah,
“Jika kamu tidak memiliki apa yang kamu sukai, maka sukailah apa yang kamu miliki saat ini”
Belajar menerima apa adanya dan berpikir positif
Hidup bagaikan mimpi, seindah apapun, begitu bangun semuanya sirna tak berbekas
Rumah mewah bagai istana, harta benda yang tak terhitung, kedudukan, dan jabatan yg luar biasa, namun..
Ketika nafas terakhir tiba, sebatang jarum pun tak bisa dibawa pergi
Sehelai benang pun tak bisa dimiliki
Apalagi yang mau diperebutkan
Apalagi yang mau disombongkan
Maka jalanilah hidup ini dengan keinsafan nurani
Jangan terlalu perhitungan
Jangan hanya mau menang sendiri
Jangan suka sakiti sesama apalagi terhadap mereka yang berjasa bagi kita
Belajarlah tiada hari tanpa kasih
Selalu berlapang dada dan mengalah
Hidup ceria, bebas leluasa
Tak ada yang tak bisa di ikhlaskan
Tak ada sakit hati yang tak bisa dimaafkan
Tak ada dendam yang tak bisa terhapus.

Sometimes you have to realize that the people you can’t live without, can live without you

Do you miss him at the most happy and fulfilling times of your life? Just because you miss him when the world is quiet and you feel alone, doesn't mean you love him. You will miss anyone when you’re lonely. It’s when your life is going great and you still feel that ache in your heart because he isn’t there to see the genuine smile on your face and happiness in your life.

Stranger

Dear stranger,
I hope you're happy, whoever and wherever you are. And if you're not, I wish you happiness, and I wish that the pain you feel right now lasts for a short while and doesn't do any permanent damage. I hope you know that you deserve the world and I hope you have someone or find someone who gives you nothing less. I hope you live the life you want to live, you have no regrets and at the end of your life you smile and know that you have done everything you wanted to do. I hope you can tell the difference between bullshit and the truth, I hope you have the courage to ditch poisonous people, no matter how much you love them or how much it will hurt you, it will benefit you in the long run. Hold onto those who love you, leave those who don't and cherish every moment.

Smile, laugh, love
I hope you have a wonderful life.

Only mine

Don't edit yourself. I don't want the half person, the kind you use to make parents adore you. I want you. I want the flaws, the stuttering, the cursing, the clumsiness. I want it all. I want your bloopers & laughs. I want the awkward...everything. I want your goofy. I want your anger. I want to fight with you & you to piss me off. I want to frustrate you. Won't you let me? Will you let me in & show me how you operate?

Dear my baby,

I love my name just because of how you say it. I love the way you stare at me when you think I'm not looking. I love the way you lean in close whenever I tell you something, even though we both know you heard  me. I love the sweet things you say to me, even when I'm screaming at you. I love how you love me and aren't afraid to show it. I love how you make me want to be a better person than I ever thought I could be. But mostly, I love you. All the good things, all the bad, all the mistakes, all the surprises, all the imperfections, all of it... just because they're yours.

Dear my baby,

When I tell you I love you, I don’t say it out of habit or to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

Sometimes when I say IM OKAY I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say I know you're not.

Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your phone the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because deep down, you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I think it’s better that we just be friends" one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve better. This is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time would be different, hoping that maybe people really do change.  We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck out countless times just to see him for while, because 2AM had become the only time of his you were worthy of. We started this out thinking we would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and makeup & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who tried to, but just couldn’t quite believe it when people told us there might be someone else… even when we told ourselves there might be someone else. For the girls who believed he couldn’t do it to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to think about looking back on their lives one day & wondering "what if." This is for us girls who somehow managed to live through him telling us one day “no other girl could ever compare to you,” only to have him ignore us for the next month. Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their moms what was going on. The ones that could just tell that were making a mistake by allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again, yet somehow still had hope. We knew that we deserved better the entire time; that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here are for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass: sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & (inevitably) get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When a song that reminds you of him comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the hell he was and who he was with, and if he was falling in love with someone who wasn’t you. Think of how your heart would jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like hell, & it's going to need time to heal but the point is: it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again. You deserve better. You will find better. Don’t give up.

I rather hear the ugly truth, than a beautiful lie.

I constantly wonder how my life looks in other people's eyes. Do they think I have it easy? Do they think I have nothing going on for myself? Or are the fascinated with who I am? The thing is that no one will ever know my whole story. No one will ever know the things I’ve had to overcome. Not even my closest friends, not even my own family. The thing is that people are so quick to judge now a days. You only see a person from what they want and allow you to see. I always try to look as put together as if can and I guess that's my way of hiding from the truth. It’s just that way, everyone will assume that everything in my life is okay, that I never go through anything. If only everyone knew how broken I am and how I’m holding on for dear life on this one last strand that's recently become very delicate. The truth is that no one really knows me. No one will ever know me and sometimes that scares me, because no one will ever know why I am the way I am.

I had the most wonderful dream

Why didn't I learned to treat everything like it was the last time? My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.

She didn’t want to admit it, But she loved him more than she should have

No matter what you do to me, I'm still here. For some odd reason, I stick around and put up with all your mood swings and unkind words. I just let your comments roll off me into a puddle on the floor. I make up excuses on why you didn't call, try to think of all the answers. I keep going back for more even though sometimes you push me away. I don't know if I can do better, but do I really want to? You're quick to push me down when all I want is to be brought up. When I walk out for good, when I really gain the strength I need, then maybe you will see. Maybe you can look back and say, "Wow that girl really did love me."

Let’s go back. We both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this.

The worst is when you put your trust in someone and you believe every promise they ever make & then they become everything they promised they wouldn't.

Love waits for one thing, the right moment.

Dedicated to someone special. I just want to let you know how much you mean to me, that you were the only person who believed me. You've changed me in the little time we've known each other. And it's obvious that God put us on this road together because you've helped me, never doubted me, but the best thing of all, you showed me how it feels to be happy. And lastly, you're the only person that helped me find myself. And what does the future hold for us? Only time will tell.

What doesn't kill me best run freaking fast.

Dear you, you're probably thinking I've forgotten all about you by now, but that's far from it. I have missed you every waking day and my heart still hurts, but I'm getting better. I continue to smile and still go one without you. I know I have missed you, but I have kept it all inside of me, only for me to know. i still wonder about your doings, how you are, what you're doing, what we used to talk about, to laugh in your voice. Just, everything. I miss it all. However, I feel the parting of us was for the best, because everything happens for a reason. Should destiny put us into a crossing road in the future, that is when I will see you again. Until then, remember this: no matter what, even through the screaming fights, the disagreements, mistakes, and tears we've cried; though I saw this as a possible outcome, I took the risk and gave you my all. Never, ever, did I give up on you. Do not give up on yourself. Believe. Anything is possible, and if you ever need a helping hand, do not hesitate to ask. I may be far away, but I will always be in reach.

Expectation is the root of all heartache

We drifted apart eventually everyone does, I guess. But, I still can't get over how we drifted apart, how you let this happen. More than that, how you just let me go, pushed me away, blocked me out when I did nothing. I did nothing to you. Actually no that's a lie. I did everything for you. I was always there for you whether you need me or not. I did so much for you. I was the person you were closest to, I was your best friend.You told me that repeatedly But I obviously wasn't much to you, since you just cut me off. How could you do that?..How could you pick her over me? I understand she's your girlfriend & you're gonna spend more time with her. And I'm fine with that. But, that doesn't mean you have to block me out completely, as if I don't even exist. That hurt. It hurt me so much.. More than I'm even willing to admit. Because, you were my best friend, too. I thought we'd always be close. But apparently, I was wrong. things change. Sometimes I just wish we could go back. 

Life needs a little spice

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.

When.....

when girls are quiet, millions of thoughts are running through their minds. when girls are not arguing, they are thinking deeply. when girls look staringly at you, they are wondering how long you will be around. when girls answer "i'm fine" after a few seconds, they are not fine. when girls are silent and looking at you different, they are wondering whether you are lying or not. when girls lay their head on your chest, they are wishing for you to be theirs forever. when girls say "i love you," they mean it. when girls don't say "i love you back," they don't mean they don't love you, it means they don't know if they should. and when girls say "i miss you..." no one in the world could ever miss you more.

A Note

Dear [[Future]] girlfriend,

Please take care of him. He's shy to start with. He smells amazing. He will make you insanely happy. He'll text you until three in the morning. Never underestimate him. He's athletic. He's smart. He's loyal. Yes, he will ditch you once in a while for the boys, but those late night calls make up for it. You know those butterflies you're feeling now? Yeah, those don't ever go away. Most importantly, love him. Take what he gives you;; treasure your time with him, because you never know when it will end. and when it does, cherish the memories just like I do now, and will forever.

With love, [[Past]] girlfriend.

Screw You!

This is for all the jerks that have been telling a girl words that are to die for. You tell her, "You’d change for her. ” And you go behind her back, and freaking go against your word. You tell her, "You're the only one I talk to baby ” But in reality, you're texting a million other skanks, and telling them the same damn thing. You bring her out one day, hold her hand, give her a peck on the lips, hold her bag, and hold her by the waist. You show your friends your with her, but you stop texting / calling her after that day. You call her " my girl ” Which just makes her feel so good, when you got 2 or 3 other girls on the side too. This is for all the jerks, who’ve lied to women’s face, who’ve stopped talking to a women after a day, who’ve just canceled a women outta their lives. Seriously? Grow up. We’ve been telling you jerk how much we hate getting hurt, and we freaking expect so much from you guys. We expect you guys to change, but do you? Negative. It’s sad because it spoils all the other guys who’d want a chance with these girls. They’d have to work harder, because the girl’s afraid she’d get played again. Two words for guys like this: Screw You

B R O K E N

This is for the broken hearted. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this... 
What exactly is a broken heart? A broken heart is forcing yourself to hang up the phone after you have dialed the first three digits to his phone number. A broken heart is the cold, chattering feeling you receive when you hear his name. A broken heart is when you're crying yourself to sleep every night and yet crying more and more each morning. A broken heart is glancing at the pictures of the two of you, and then quickly turning your attention to something else to avoid your tears. A broken heart is screaming and begging for a second chance inside, but not being able to say it out loud. A broken heart is the emptiness and heart wrenching feeling you encounter when you see him with other girls. A broken heart is knowing that no matter what you do or say to yourself, you cant fool your heart into believing that you will in fact be "okay." A broken heart is listening to that one song that makes you break down, on repeat. A broken heart is when you go from smiling uncontrollably every time you saw him to quiet tears every time someone mentions his name. A broken heart is when you try to avoid him but end up going out of your way just to get a glimpse of him. A broken heart is when you know you've been hurt, but have no idea how to fix it. A broken heart is when you finally realize that he's everything you need and at the same time realize he's the one thing you can never have. *i remember when i related to that.