Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.

So I am writing to say goodbye. but not forever. I know our paths will meet again. Maybe someday Ill be more mature and better prepared for whatever comes my way, but I cannot handle the pain you have unknowingly caused me these past months.

Don't get me wrong. You have made me very happy just by sharing yourself and your life with me. The memories will stay in my heart forever. From the time we first started going out until now, you have unfailingly shown me how it is to be really cared for and cherished. At the same time you have managed to keep my feet on the ground, always reminding me that my life is my own and no one else’s. I thank you for that. You taught me how fully comprehend what real love is like without even telling me you loved me. Just by showing me in your own way, you made me see how two incompatible persons can actually become real friends and true lovers.

You have kept my feet on the ground and yet showed me how beautiful the stars and skies are.

Whenever I needed your comport and strength, your level-headedness and rationality, you were always there for me. Our relationship has gone through a lot of things ranging from the serious to the stupid. 

No one is to blame. Not you, nor me, nor whoever else is sharing you with me…maybe Im just a victim of circumstance like you. And since the circumstances surrounding our relationship have changed, I don't know any more if I can handle things the same way I've handled them before. Your presence and your help will not matter. Seeing you and being with you when we spend time together gives me a certain kind of happiness only you can give. But every time you leave me, my heart breaks. I am hurting and I have to heal my wounds alone. I cant do this with you in my life.

I will miss you. I will miss you very, very, very much..

I am becoming more critical of you and the things that you do and do not do. I expect you to make up for everything that has happened but i know that is impossible now. I even harbor the hope that you will want me back, something which I know will never happen.

You will forever be a part of my life, thank you for making me a part of yours. I will always remember you with a smile and with wistfulness for being the one responsible for throwing it all away… but I have to go now. I am afraid that if I stay, something will be destroyed; either be part of you, a part of me, our friendship or the relationship itself. I don't really know. At least by leaving now, I am sure that everything remains intact, the relationship beautiful untouched unmarred by jealousy and hatred we both don't deserve a relationship that would always be fraught with questions and conditions.

Thank you for really deciding who you need to be and saying so. You told me the truth even when it was brutally hard; but it was the truth. And my heart knew it. And for telling me the truth, I found compassion and forgiveness. 

We are both on separate journeys; yet, you will always be within me: I owe part of the woman I am now to you. Without you, I would not have had these experiences. I am stronger, clearer, braver. 

You gave me much. Even the tough, the feeling of brokenness (which has healed), for the parts you fell short and I fell short: I'm thankful. 
Now, I know what I need.
What I want.
What I'll accept.
I know how to be better. Different.
You've given me the opportunity to learn to forgive, to practice love unconditionally, for understanding love alone does not make a marriage and nor does a piece of paper. 

Sometimes love means letting go to allow room for a new growth, a new life, to take root. 

No regrets. 

I wish for you what it is you wish for... with my whole heart and much love.

Monday, March 24, 2014


Disaat kamu ingin melepaskan seseorang..ingatlah pada saat kamu ingin mendapatkannya
Disaat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya…ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta padanya
Disaat kamu mulai bosan dengannya…ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya
Disaat kamu ingin menduakannya…bayangkan jika dia selalu setia
Saat kamu ingin membohonginya…ingatlah disaat dia jujur padamu
Maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untukmu
Jangan sampai disaat dia sudah tidak disisimu,
Kamu baru menyadari semua arti dirinya untukmu
Yang indah hanya sementara
Yang abadi adalah kenangan
Yang ikhlas hanya dari hati
Yang tulus hanya dari sanubari
Tidak mudah mencari yang hilang
Tidak mudah mengejar impian
Namun yg lebih susah mempertahankan yang ada
Karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga
Ingatlah pada pepatah,
“Jika kamu tidak memiliki apa yang kamu sukai, maka sukailah apa yang kamu miliki saat ini”
Belajar menerima apa adanya dan berpikir positif
Hidup bagaikan mimpi, seindah apapun, begitu bangun semuanya sirna tak berbekas
Rumah mewah bagai istana, harta benda yang tak terhitung, kedudukan, dan jabatan yg luar biasa, namun..
Ketika nafas terakhir tiba, sebatang jarum pun tak bisa dibawa pergi
Sehelai benang pun tak bisa dimiliki
Apalagi yang mau diperebutkan
Apalagi yang mau disombongkan
Maka jalanilah hidup ini dengan keinsafan nurani
Jangan terlalu perhitungan
Jangan hanya mau menang sendiri
Jangan suka sakiti sesama apalagi terhadap mereka yang berjasa bagi kita
Belajarlah tiada hari tanpa kasih
Selalu berlapang dada dan mengalah
Hidup ceria, bebas leluasa
Tak ada yang tak bisa di ikhlaskan
Tak ada sakit hati yang tak bisa dimaafkan
Tak ada dendam yang tak bisa terhapus.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sometimes you have to realize that the people you can’t live without, can live without you

Do you miss him at the most happy and fulfilling times of your life? Just because you miss him when the world is quiet and you feel alone, doesn't mean you love him. You will miss anyone when you’re lonely. It’s when your life is going great and you still feel that ache in your heart because he isn’t there to see the genuine smile on your face and happiness in your life.

Friday, May 18, 2012


Dear stranger,
I hope you're happy, whoever and wherever you are. And if you're not, I wish you happiness, and I wish that the pain you feel right now lasts for a short while and doesn't do any permanent damage. I hope you know that you deserve the world and I hope you have someone or find someone who gives you nothing less. I hope you live the life you want to live, you have no regrets and at the end of your life you smile and know that you have done everything you wanted to do. I hope you can tell the difference between bullshit and the truth, I hope you have the courage to ditch poisonous people, no matter how much you love them or how much it will hurt you, it will benefit you in the long run. Hold onto those who love you, leave those who don't and cherish every moment.

Smile, laugh, love
I hope you have a wonderful life.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Only mine

Don't edit yourself. I don't want the half person, the kind you use to make parents adore you. I want you. I want the flaws, the stuttering, the cursing, the clumsiness. I want it all. I want your bloopers & laughs. I want the awkward...everything. I want your goofy. I want your anger. I want to fight with you & you to piss me off. I want to frustrate you. Won't you let me? Will you let me in & show me how you operate?

Monday, December 5, 2011

Dear my baby,

I love my name just because of how you say it. I love the way you stare at me when you think I'm not looking. I love the way you lean in close whenever I tell you something, even though we both know you heard  me. I love the sweet things you say to me, even when I'm screaming at you. I love how you love me and aren't afraid to show it. I love how you make me want to be a better person than I ever thought I could be. But mostly, I love you. All the good things, all the bad, all the mistakes, all the surprises, all the imperfections, all of it... just because they're yours.

Dear my baby,

When I tell you I love you, I don’t say it out of habit or to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me.